The Jewish Love-In

There were no holidays so joyous for the Jewish People as the Fifteenth of Av and Yom Kippor, for on those days, daughters of Yerushalayim would go out dressed in borrowed white clothing so as not to embarrass those who didn’t have and dance in the vineyards located on the outskirts of the city. And everyone who didn’t have a wife would go there.

Mishnah, Taanit 4:8

Mishnah, Taanit 4:8

With Tisha B’Av behind us, it’s time to put a little joy in life. That’s probably why the rabbis of the second temple period before the fall of Jerusalem in 70 C.E. created Tu B’Av the 15th Day of Av. In that day the festival was the formal occasion for young unmarried women and men to met, mingle and marry.

Tu B’Av, like Passover, Sukkot, and Tu Bishvat begins on the night between the 14th and 15th day of the Hebrew month. Being a full moon on the lunar calendar makes it the perfect environment for romance and love.

Tu B’Av has been pretty much unnoticed in the Jewish calendar for many centuries. In my earlier feminist days, we tried to bring it back in a woman’s liberation context but it didn’t work much like putting a round peg in a square hole.

In its modern incarnation Tu B’Av has been rejuvenated in Israel as Two B’av Festival of Love. At this very moment in Jerusalem, there is a great happening with speed dating, dancing, sing-a-longs and university talks about the nature of love.

Good for us. More love. More Power.

Of Blessed Memory

My Dearest Daddy,

Each year at the full moon of August, I light your yahrzeit candle and remember the moon as I saw it leaving the hospital the night of your death. It was thirteen years ago on the 14th of Av. Why does it seem like only yesterday?

There are so many changes everywhere. Would you have agreed to carry a cell phone or read from a kindle? I know you would have been furious that they closed downtown streets this week for the filming of Batman. “What about the businesses”, you would have complained.

People here remember you. They ask, “Which one was your father?” At which point I see you happily sharing one desk in your office at NRM with your brothers Sam and Jason. I answer, “Howard.” They nod, “What a good man.” I get a little choked up and nod in return.

There is a thing on the computer called facebook. It’s a way to connect with people all over the world. There is a group on it called “friends of NRM” and it has over 300 members!

You would kvell at how your family has grown. Bob has enough grandchildren to make up not one but two baseball teams! Even his youngest daughter, little Racheli, has two children of her own. Believe it or not, I am a Bubbe. Eli is married and has two little girls that call me Bubbe. I write a Bubbe Blog talking all about it and other things.

I try with all of my heart and soul to live in the shadow of your selfless generosity, your flawless reputation and your commitment to Zionism. I’m sad that Steve and his family never got to know you and I often quote your wisdom to give they a minute sense of your spirit.

I am eternally grateful that I come from the lineage that includes you as my Dad. I love you more than anything.

Until the coming of the Messiah,


Addiction? Who ME?

I worry often that I might have an addictive personality and have developed some grave addictions. I can never have too much coffee. I am unable to leave an open box of chocolates untouched and I am always making another quilt. In most situations, I over compensate because I fear there will not be enough, I constantly battle with myself to be in control and I’m undeniably compulsive.

An addiction is a physical or psychological dependence on a substance or behavior. It is the inability to stop an activity that is threatening your health, lifestyle, livelihood, or relationships.

Addictive personality traits include: compulsive behavior, lack of self-control, refusal to accept responsibility, tendency toward multiple vices, and a family history of addiction, unhappiness and insecurity.

Alan R. Lang, a psychology professor at Florida State University found several significant personality factors that can contribute to addiction:

  1. Impulsive behavior, difficulty in delaying gratification, an antisocial personality and a disposition toward sensation seeking.
  2. A high value on nonconformity combined with a weak commitment to the goals for achievement valued by the society.
  3. A sense of social alienation and a general tolerance for deviance.
  4. A sense of heightened stress.

The steps to overcome an addictive personality are to admit to the addiction, become informed about it, stage an intervention, find the underlying cause that drives the addiction, completely stop the behavior and seek professional help and/or join a support group.

Knowledge is power. Without understanding the reasons and finding a healthy way to manage them, addicts often kick a habit only to replace it with another one.

I filled out this questionnaire and watched these videos from an HBO special and I discovered that my personality is 43% addictive which means even if I feel like I have an addictive personality, I actually have my addictions mostly under check. Now that I am aware of my addictive tendencies, I can make changes that will help me be in control of my actions, make some healthier choices, and enjoy picking out the fabrics for my next quilt.